Rita's Son

Issue

It’s one one word, a plural and a few meanings.

I find no joy in hearing the word, using the word or in being told the word.

When life brings you down, you ask “what’s the issue?”

When things don’t go as planned it’s “an unsuccessful issue.”

Now I ask, why do we use the word? One of its synonyms is – handicap.

Bitter, I ask again, why do we use the word?

All I can think of is worry, trouble, difficulty when I think of the word.

The world has had is its own issue this past year with an hopeful end in sight.

I’ve had my stumbling blocks (issue) in recent times as well.

I find no joy in the word, what about you?

While you think up an answer, I leave you with this.

If you burn your bridge to the other side, can you know swim across? – Pray for me, one day I might have to pay these thoughts.

That is my issue.

Let Me Explain

I recently wrote that I’m tired, well let me try to explain.

“I’m tired” – Ayoninuoluwa
Truthfully

I’m tired because I’ve worn myself out, I don’t have belief in anything anymore. I don’t expect anything anymore. I almost always look for the worse to happen, and that’s not the end of it.

I’m tired because all I do is live everyday as it comes. I have experienced pain and don’t know what else to experience again. Pain is a high and a low.

This year has done nothing to help, it’s one bad news after the other, but notwithstanding, this year is not my excuse, it only just added to it.

I am tired because all I look forward to is the end.

I tend to overthink things but I don’t have the energy to do so anymore, I wake up on most days and question everything. DO YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING? I GUESS SO!

What’s the purpose? THE END IS. I try to be calm, gentle, collected. I don’t show my emotions, I hate to complain.

I try to be good, to be a better version of myself everyday, but it’s not for my own good. No, it’s for the people around me, my family, friends, well wishers, the community and the church.

I live for them and not for me, that’s why all I look forward to is the end.

So when I say I’m tired, please believe me. I’m tired.

I don’t say this because I’m depressed or because I’m sad. People misunderstand, but that’s okay. I like to live for people, I’m only happy when I see other people smile. I only make a living to provide for those around me. I’m a small part of a bigger picture, but I’m tired because I don’t have the strength or energy to argue, to be proactive, or to be angry.

I just want to experience the end. Thus, I am tired.

Please say a prayer for me, it’s my birthday!

Birth of a New Me? Not Really!

I am tired. Truthfully, I have been tired for a long time now, In more ways than none; mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I almost lost faith recently, in all honesty, you don’t want to walk down that path. In dark times you tend to feel all is lost.

My only saving grace was that my anxiety didn’t increase, it remained the same. Same old sleep deprived, migraine filled body with an uncontrollable anxiety. I often thought it would be the end of me (it might still), but going back to me being tired, it is really hard to explain.

I began to feel this tiredness and fatigue in late 2018, I held out till 2019, but my freeform and meditation journey escalated it. Don’t get me wrong though, meditation is good, really good. Going on a self discovery journey was both a good thing and a bad thing. I held out on my principles, fought through my deficiencies all the while not knowing that my body was acclimatizing to the pent up fatigue, meditation helped with my anxiety but the tiredness sort of kept it afloat.

Coming into 2020, my tiredness came out in full effect. I mean tell me, who wouldn’t be tired with this year? It’s one thing after the other. My overthinking mind can’t take it anymore.

I AM TIRED

I hardly cry, hardly. I lost an uncle and couldn’t bring myself to cry (hard to believe isn’t it). A close uncle, I spent the last six years living with him, and I can’t bring myself to cry still.

My emotions are lost from me. I don’t have the strength to argue with anyone anymore, I just say “okay” or “right”. I’m naturally bad at texting, but I fear it is now worse. I don’t try too hard on things that do not workout the first few times. Plus the headaches, the headaches, always constant.

Truthfully, I am tired. I am holding out, waiting, hoping that I will come out of this state.

Sometimes I ask myself, is this the birth of a new me? Honestly, I don’t think so.

You can also read this on my Medium

I found my solace in writing again, more stories to come!

The Great Sphinx at Giza

The Great Sphinx at Giza

Riddle of the Sphinx, designated

Affirmation of the Old Kingdom, Odd World

Swims in the sand, divinity on its own

A burial place of Pharaohs… No love

(Horemakhet)

Horus of the Horizon lies against the Pyramid of Khafra

Oh Khafra! Innovator of Modern Egypt

The Dream Stele of Thutmose IV, Harmachis

Healing place of the corrupt kings

The symbol of Egyptology! Oh Khafra!

The Great Sphinx and the Pyramid

The Knowledge of Khafra and the Face of God

Atum-Hor-em-Akhet

The face that changes as the age of man increases

Mystical creature of limestone, a statue

The oldest known monumental sculpture

How wise Old Kingdom! Oh Khafra!

Largest monolith statue in the world

Oh Giza!

Anubis! With the missing nose and beard

God re-moulds his face! Oh Khafra!

Thrills and charms us as we look upon it

“The head of Colossus, caused to be made by Isis, daughter of Inachus, then so beloved Jupiter”

A roman statue, a pinched face

The Sphinx! The Terrifying One

Oh Khafra! Oh Giza! Oh Egypt!

The Great Sphinx at Giza

Pyramids

RANDOM

RANDOM

Food for thought but I’m still thinking anorexic

I just thought I should write this because I’ve been lazy for a while

My mind is at its weakest I hope you get this

I’m on a mission to shift my culture

Little changes but not changing the “me” I was before

Frustrated from being frustrated

That’s just my thinking nothing compared to the real “me”

It’s high time I started something

I’m somewhere between psychotic and iconic

My mates look up to me like I got it

I’m not matured it’s just my thinking

It’s funny when those that call you regularly don’t call you anymore

It’s funny that those who thought of you high don’t think about you anymore

Everything has changed now

Everything

No offense to my old folks but they assume a lot

I love them a lot and thank them for all I’ve got

I hope this piece doesn’t bring up the wrong thoughts

I hope not

It’s best to be quiet and just watch

Witness the changes in your life and what not

Not even talking to the guardians, communication is breaking

I hope not on some personal niche, maybe they don’t understand me

Some people I believe in don’t even show their faces anymore

A friend of mine doesn’t want to talk to me anymore

I hope to break it off someday

I just wonder… What can I say?

I miss my Old folks

Somewhere between I’m sober and I’m lifted

Listening to The Furthest Thing by Drake

And I’m still far away from perfect

So are they too

I promise to break everybody off before I break down

I’m so much happier now

Things have never been better

Nevertheless I remain Bipolar

Nothing Was The Same

Green Ghetto

Green Ghetto

It was more like a Ghost Town
Unfortunately, overpopulated, caused me a little
frown
Shambles, scrambles, Helter-Skelter, looking for
shelter
Pitched under rusty zinc, it could get no better
And within the abject poverty, stood an erected
Cross
The Crucified was missing, that in a Ghost Town,
another loss
To the West of the Cross, the poverty chain looked
Oiled and in shape
To the North of it, they all looked to the skies and
cried-babe
And its South, people in white and no shoes,
prayed for His come
The East-the only good thing, no surprises, was
where I headed from
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, the Old English
says “Yay!”
In that chain, flowers were red, blossomed the
algae
Children running, plays in the sand, no clothes on,
Garden of Eden
In the 21st century, no forbade fruit, but Ill-Ridden
I couldn’t shed a tear, for fear of adding to their
flood
It looked not to upset them, they all smiled, no
discord
Cars sped overhead, below, one cupped his ear for
the other to be heard
Each image I saw, a lot of thought swam in and
out of my head
Tall grasses, uncultivated land, impossible for
wealth to ambush
I weep at the moment, the top of the pen, I had to
push

Faked smiles and high friends

I find no Silver Lining

@Swishajoe and @Haiiiver

My Voice

Thoughts fighting inside my head

Rage

More fury than monsters

A ghost to myself

I come from a distant land

Far away but still close to my heart

Out of my mind

I am “me, him and another”

Stay with myselfs

Like the honey and the bee

The green and the grass

Dementia failures

With a silenced song on my lips

I saw my voice

Like Jonah

Swallowed by a whale

I speak but don’t speak out

I am myself but not in myself

I think but don’t reason it

~~I am not who I am~~

@Haiiiver

Goblet

Goblet

Walking in to the kitchen

With no other thoughts

The thirst for liquid quenches

How better still to it?

The Eucharistic cup

Quenches the thirst merely by the sight of it

A bowl-shaped drinking vessel

Not a beauty ascertained

Can a cupel be matched?

The object of any prolonged endeavour

A container for holding liquid

Typically with a handle

A measure of capacity

A drinking glass with a foot and a stem

With a base

A grail (Legend)

That shines in the light

A cup of unknown origin

A receptacle forming part of a liquidizer

Sangraal (Legend)

A chalice used by Christ at the Last Supper

With visions of this, there is thirst no more

@Haiiiver

Amor

@Haiiiver –

I’ve always felt this great need to write something on love. Being that I’m not emotional, I was at loggerheads trying to bring myself to write this.

Thanks to my friend I was able to gather amateur knowledge on her own perspective on love.

I asked my myself this questions. And even though it’s easy to google them, I wanted a true answer.

N.B: Amor – Spanish word for Love. The experiences of others made up this poem. Love is not my thing

@Haiiiver

QUESTIONS:

What is love?

How does it all start?

How does it grow

Do you dissolve in love?

Why do people believe in love?

Why is it necessary

Does it matter?

CONCLUSION:

Love is complicated
It hits you without noticing
It is like placing diamonds in a Pharaohs hand knowing that he’s happy

It starts by liking someone
It is the masking of pure and primeval of beautiful signs
It is watching the sun rise as await the suite warmth that follows after

It catches you unaware
Makes you believe the sounds of awkward music, mythic language and far-off songs
Makes your feet numb and body weary

To some others it makes them childish
Like fighting over the last piece of nugget in a chinese restaurant
And makes you dissolve in it
But most importantly it depends on the person – sedan

Because when you’re in love, you’re at peace like nothing else matters
Education becomes a barrier
It feels like your heart is going to explode out of your chest

It is a necessity
It makes you feel connected
It says “Sun a-shine, Rain a-fall”
It is a proffer of affection

But most importantly, LOVE MATTERS